Like many of my colleagues, I’ve been back to work for about a month. I’m so pleased that my clients were right there waiting for me after almost 2 months of being gone. I’ve been working almost non-stop while finishing up home school and my family and I have adjusted to our new schedule at home. But being back doesn’t feel like being back at all. The pandemic had me (and still has me, frankly) scared. And just as we were coming up for air, the deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery made me angry and outraged. It’s been disheartening to watch social media and see just how many people don’t seem to understand the phrase black lives matter.
I’ve spent a lot of time the last 2 weeks educating myself and trying to help educate others and be an ally. But I’ve also felt paralyzed and helpless. I grew up in Alabama, a mixed race kid of an Indian mother and a white father. I’ve experienced racism. I’ve been called a “towel head.” I have been told I’m not “Indian enough.” I have had people describe me as “dot, not feather.” Once, in a job interview, the owner asked, “What are you? You are so exotic!” I don’t know if the other applicants were “exotic”, but I did get the job.
I have not at all experienced racism in the same way that my black friends have. The type of racism that I experienced, as far as I know, never kept me from anything I wanted to achieve or anything I wanted to become. If anything, my being Indian and physically looking like I could have any number of heritages made me memorable and likely helped me.
I’ve never been followed around a store for fear I might be trying to shoplift. I have never thought that someone might be worried that I’m dangerous and crossed the street to get away from me. I have never feared for my life when walking down the street or when I’ve been pulled over. This is only a small sample of what it’s like for black people in America and this is why this protest for equality, for equal meaning, for equal treatment, for equal experiences is important. I have experienced racism, but my eyes are open to just how much worse it can be. I am here to stand with my fellow people of color and fight against it past the news cycle and beyond. Being back to work and back to normal must be better than it was before. I have hope that it’s going to be.